The opening lyrics of “Teach Your Children,” by Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young, resonate as profoundly today as they did five decades ago.
You, who are on the road
Must have a code
That you can live by
And so become yourself
Because the past is just a goodbye
Teach your children well…
The song’s inspiration, Graham Nash’s encounter with Diane Arbus’s iconic photograph “Child with Toy Hand Grenade in Central Park,” serves as a stark reminder of the potential for violence, even in the most innocent of beings.
I was reminded of the song as I read the excellent editorial in last weekend’s Rutland Herald, titled Breaking Cycles, which noted that October is Bullying Prevention Month as well as Domestic Violence Awareness Month. It’s an ideal time for parents and other caregivers to teach children about respect, empathy, and emulating collaborative leaders, so that children seek purpose, pride, and fulfillment in something other than selfish, toxic, or insignificant pursuits.
While the Herald editorial emphasized the role of education in prevention, we all must expand our concept of education. In today’s divisive political climate, children are exposed to – and “educated” by – damaging rhetoric and problematic role models on a daily basis.
Additionally, the glorification of destructive behaviors, such as domestic violence, in popular culture, sends confusing messages to young people. Never mind that the alleged perpetrators, many of whom are celebrities, are brought to justice; the damage they’ve leveled at their victims is insurmountable.
As a former sixth-grade teacher who then spent decades in the business world and witnessed bullying up, down, and across corporate hierarchies, I am urging parents to recognize that education about bullying in general and domestic violence in particular must begin at home.
In that sense, the mantra to teach your children well so they adopt a code of conduct about themselves and others, should begin early and be reinforced throughout a child’s upbringing. This includes challenging deleterious stereotypes, such as the belief that marriage is the only path to fulfillment for women, regardless of a potential mate’s character or temperament or whether either partner is truly ready to commit to marriage to that person.
Yet, if a spouse (or other domestic partner) turns out to be an abuser, verbally or physically, and the victim has no means of financial independence, then s/he (women abuse also) becomes an abject prisoner. To say nothing of the vulnerable children that might result from such a troubled union.
To be sure, motivating children to do well in school, to learn and practice an essential and respectful trade, or to complete college and start a career that provides them with their own earning potential before committing to a life partner, is the bravest and perhaps most difficult of all adult responsibilities. The rise of so-called influencers – whether celebrities or the boy next door – has exerted even more pressure on young people who long to be noticed and rewarded for it.
When even the Wall Street Journal glorifies a 17-year-old “brand influencer” posing in a man’s shirt seductively slipping off her bare shoulders, it’s a daunting challenge to teach young men and women alike about responsible personal agency. When the teen’s mother is shown beaming proudly at all the free clothing and other gifts from brand marketers eager for her daughter to blog about, it’s near impossible to expect the girl will concentrate on schoolwork and other character-building activities.
At least the New York Times took an investigative approach to this issue, assigning female reporters to assume identities as teenage entrepreneurs. The resulting piece highlighted how pedophiles, sex-trafficking rings, and other predators are brazenly interacting with these girls. Faced with the facts about these dangers, some of the mothers claimed they closely monitor the risks, but admitted they don’t want their daughters to stop, as the resulting income benefits the entire household.
In a world where such harmful influences are pervasive, it’s more important than ever to teach our children well. Around the time “Teach Your Children” became a hit, Graham Nash discussed the inspiration behind it, the photo of the angry young boy with the toy grenade.
“It seemed to me that if it were real the kid would have thrown it,” said Nash. “The consequences it implied startled me.” He concluded, “If we don’t start teaching our kids a better way of dealing with each other, humanity will never succeed.”
Words to live by, for generations to come.
Liz DiMarco Weinmann lives in Rutland.
